WHY I COULDN’T BE AROUND ALCOHOL IN EARLY SOBRIETY

Because I Had No Defense Against the First Drink.

Let me tell you something about my early days of sobriety that I will never forget.

I was known for relapsing.

Not once. Not twice. Over and over again.

Putting together a few months without alcohol was never my problem. I could do that.

But here's where I kept getting it wrong.

I would attend maybe one or two AA meetings a week, do absolutely nothing else toward my recovery, and somehow convince myself that was enough.

I'd tell myself, "This time will be different."

But different how?

I wasn't working the Twelve Steps. I wasn't changing my behaviors. I wasn't addressing the very things that kept taking me back to that first drink.

The only thing I had changed was that I wasn't drinking.

And somehow, I expected a different outcome while doing absolutely nothing different.

I had stopped drinking, but I hadn't started recovering.

And there is a world of difference between the two.

OH NO, SHE'S GOING ON VACATION AGAIN!

And then came the vacations.

I had become so predictable that my friends in AA already knew what was coming.

They would say, "Oh no, she's going on vacation again."

And they knew damn well what that meant.

I was probably coming back with another relapse story.

That's how often it happened.

But I would still convince myself, "I'll be fine. I'm not going to drink this time."

And I genuinely believed it.

The sad part is that everyone around me could see the pattern except me.

I kept changing my surroundings, going on vacations, making promises to myself, but never changing the very thing that needed to change.

Me.

I had no defense against that first drink because I wasn't doing the work to build one.

And there I was again.

Back to the very place I swore I would never return.

But here's the question I had to ask myself years later: Was I really relapsing if I had never actually begun doing the work of recovery?

Because there is a difference between not drinking and recovering from alcoholism.

I was practicing abstinence.

I wasn't practicing recovery.

And that difference nearly cost me everything.

YOU CANNOT KEEP WALKING INTO THE FIRE AND WONDER WHY YOU KEEP GETTING BURNED.

Imagine someone trying to heal from a serious burn, but every few weeks they put their hand right back over the flame.

They tell themselves, "This time I won't get burned."

But the fire hasn't changed.

And neither has their behavior.

That's what I was doing with alcohol.

I kept putting myself in situations where drinking was the main attraction, believing that somehow my willpower would protect me.

It didn't.

Because I hadn't developed the spiritual foundation, the daily disciplines, or the tools necessary to protect my sobriety.

I was changing my drinking, but I wasn't changing my life.

THE BIG BOOK WAS VERY CLEAR. I JUST WASN'T LISTENING.

In Chapter 7, Working With Others, the Big Book discusses being around places where alcohol is served.

It does not tell us that we must hide from alcohol forever.

But it does ask us to examine our motives.

Do we have a legitimate reason to be there?

Are we spiritually fit?

Are we going there for a good reason, or are we secretly looking for an excuse to drink?

And one of the most important lessons I learned is this:

Just because I can walk into a bar doesn't mean I belong there.

Especially in early sobriety.

Why would I, a woman who had repeatedly lost the battle against the first drink, deliberately place myself in the very environment where I had fallen so many times?

What was I trying to prove?

That I was strong?

That I could control myself?

That I was somehow different this time?

My history had already given me the answer.

I couldn't safely rely on willpower alone.

THE FIRST YEAR OF SOBRIETY IS NOT THE TIME TO TEST YOURSELF.

Now, I know some people may disagree with me.

And that's okay.

I'm speaking from my own experience as a woman who spent years going in and out of the rooms.

If you are newly sober, especially if you haven't begun doing the work of recovery, why are you hanging out in bars?

Why are you putting yourself in situations where alcohol is the center of attention?

Why are you taking unnecessary chances with a life you are trying to rebuild?

There will be weddings, birthdays, vacations, family gatherings, and celebrations.

Life doesn't stop because we get sober.

But we must learn that we don't have to attend everything, especially when we are not spiritually prepared.

In my first year, I needed meetings. I needed a sponsor. I needed the Twelve Steps. I needed to learn how to live without reaching for alcohol whenever life became uncomfortable.

I needed to build a life that I no longer wanted to escape from.

I didn't need to prove I could sit in a bar. I needed to learn how to stay sober.

SPIRITUAL FITNESS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

Today, I can be around alcohol.

I can attend celebrations. I can be in places where people are drinking. I can enjoy my life without wanting what is in someone else's glass.

But that didn't happen simply because time passed.

It happened because I began doing the work.

I worked the Steps.

I learned to take inventory.

I made amends.

I developed a relationship with my Higher Power.

I learned to pray, meditate, practice acceptance, and help another woman who was suffering.

And I continue practicing those principles today.

Time sober does not automatically equal spiritual fitness.

Someone can have years without a drink and still neglect the very practices that help keep them well.

And someone with only a few months can be building a beautiful foundation by becoming willing, honest, and teachable.

But none of us should confuse confidence with spiritual fitness.

The Big Book reminds us that our defense against the first drink must come from something deeper than our own willpower.

SO WHAT IS THE SOLUTION?

If you're newly sober, protect your recovery while you build it.

• Get a sponsor and actually work the Twelve Steps.

• Attend meetings consistently and build relationships with sober people.

• Stay away from bars and drinking-centered gatherings when you have no good reason to be there.

• Be honest about your motives before attending events where alcohol is present.

• Have an exit plan when attendance is necessary.

• Practice prayer, meditation, and daily inventory.

• Stop testing your sobriety and start strengthening your recovery.

And remember, avoiding unnecessary drinking environments in early sobriety isn't weakness.

It's wisdom.

QUESTIONS FOR THE WOMAN IN EARLY RECOVERY

Ask yourself:

1. Am I truly working a program of recovery, or am I simply not drinking?

2. Why do I feel the need to be around alcohol right now?

3. Am I being honest with myself about my spiritual condition?

4. Am I willing to miss an event if attending could threaten my sobriety?

5. What am I doing every day to strengthen my defense against the first drink?

MY FINAL THOUGHTS

I spent years believing that because I had stopped drinking, I was getting better.

But I wasn't getting better.

I was waiting for the next opportunity to convince myself that one drink wouldn't hurt.

And it always did.

Today, I understand something I couldn't understand back then.

Recovery isn't about proving how close you can get to alcohol without drinking. It's about building a life where you no longer need to drink.

So if you're in your first year, give yourself permission to stay away.

You are not missing out.

You are protecting something precious.

Your life.

And believe me, there will be plenty of time to enjoy the beautiful things life has to offer.

But first, learn how to live sober.

Because getting sober gave me another chance at life.

Doing the work of recovery taught me how to live it.

With love,
Michelle Ann
A Woman in Recovery

Recover. Reinvent. Rise.

Read more of my free recovery blogs at TheHealingCheff.com.