Secrets Keep Families Sick

LAST NIGHT I WAS READING THIS IN THE BIG BOOK AND IT MADE ME REALIZE WHY GOD HAS ME DOING THIS. ✨

There is a part in the Big Book on page 106 in the large print edition in the “To Wives” chapter that says:

“Perhaps at this point we were severely criticized by our husband’s parents for the desertion.”

That paragraph pierced my heart deeply because I know what it feels like to be criticized while trying to save someone you love from this disease.

You see… my son was an alcoholic.

When he was 18, I kicked him out because he was not doing anything with his life. He was supposed to go to college and he refused. I was repeatedly finding drug paraphernalia and alcohol.

In fact, during his last semester of high school, the school told me he would not graduate because they found alcohol in his backpack.

I remember pleading with him.

Begging him to please get his life together.
Begging him to graduate.
Begging him to understand what was happening to him.

Eventually they allowed him to graduate in the summer, provided he completed certain requirements and changed his behavior.

That season of my life shattered me as a mother.

Because I could already see the progression beginning. I knew where alcohol and drugs could lead because I had already lived through addiction destroying people I loved.

I knew what weed and alcohol could do to smart individuals who stopped achieving anything except talking about what they were “going to do someday.” I had smart cousins who amounted to nothing because of drugs and alcohol.

I was terrified watching it unfold in my own child. 💔

By this point I was exhausted.

I refused to enable my son to fail.

We got into a huge argument and he almost hit me. I was scared. And at that moment I knew his father would minimize it because he was not an alcoholic and did not understand the nature of this disease.

But I understood enough to know this:

If my son refused school, refused work, and continued using drugs and alcohol, I could not support that behavior.

I had younger children in the home and I refused to normalize drugs, alcohol, violence, dysfunction, or chaos around them.

So I told him he needed to leave.

And I was criticized by everyone.

I was told I was a bad mother.

But nobody knew what I was carrying inside.

Nobody knew the fear.
Nobody knew the pain.
Nobody knew the secrets.
Nobody knew how much it hurt watching my son spiral downward.

Loss of jobs.
Loss of relationships.
Isolation.
Anger.
Drugs.
Alcohol.
Watching someone you love slowly disappear.

And the hardest part as a mother is this:

You cannot rescue them.

God… that pain is unbearable.

Then I read another line that opened something deep inside me:

“Had we fully understood the nature of the alcoholic illness, we might have behaved differently.”

That line made me cry.

Because had I fully understood the nature of alcoholism when I was younger… maybe I could have helped my mother differently.

Maybe I could have understood my father’s overdose differently.

Maybe I would not have carried shame that was never mine to carry.

When my father died of a heroin overdose, I was told to keep it a secret.

That was wrong.

Secrets keep families sick.

I should not have had to carry that shame as a child.

I should have been educated about addiction.
I should have understood alcoholism.
I should have understood trauma.
I should have understood enabling.
I should have understood family systems.
I should have understood that addiction is progressive and deadly.

Instead, silence became loyalty.

And silence kills.

My brother who died at 53, Dec 2025 - his children were told lies about how their father died. They were told he died from something else because people wanted to “protect his legacy.” 

But the truth is… he died from alcoholism. 

And one day when those children are older, they will fully understand what this disease took from them.

They will understand why their father is gone.

How their mother enabled him. 

Why she never sought help. (It's a family disease and the enablers are sicker than the alcoholic) 

Why he never came home.
Why he will never walk them down the aisle.
Why he will never watch them graduate.
Why he will never hold their children or be part of their future.

And with that understanding will likely come grief, heartbreak, anger, confusion, and painful questions.

Because addiction does not only destroy the person suffering from it.
It impacts entire families and generations.

This is exactly why honesty, education, recovery, and healing matter so much.

Not to shame people.
But to stop the cycle from continuing into the next generation.

His body was severely compromised from years of alcoholism, poor health, diabetes, and kidney failure. And all of it was connected.

Had he not been drinking since he was a teenager, his body may never have deteriorated the way it did.

Yes, diabetes made it worse. Yes, kidney disease complicated things. But those conditions could have been managed.

Alcoholism is progressive.

It does not get better on its own.
It gets worse.

It slowly destroys the liver.
The kidneys.
The brain.
The nervous system.
The relationships.
The family.
The soul.

And this is exactly why families need education instead of secrecy.

Because silence does not stop the disease.

Truth gives people a chance to understand it before it destroys another generation.

But what legacy are we protecting when the truth could save the next generation?

THIS is exactly what alcohol and drugs do to our bodies, our minds, our nervous systems, our families, and our children.

This disease destroys generations.

And maybe if people fully understood the nature of the alcoholic illness, they would stop hiding it.

Maybe families would stop protecting the image while the disease destroys the person underneath.

Maybe mothers would stop carrying shame.
Maybe children would stop blaming themselves.
Maybe families would get help sooner.
Maybe people would stop enabling in the name of love.

Because enabling is not love!

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is stop participating in the sickness.

This is exactly why I am passionate about recovery, trauma healing, truth, boundaries, education, and breaking generational cycles.

THIS is why God has me doing this. ❤️

Not because my life was easy.
Not because my family was perfect.
Not because I have all the answers.

But because I have lived this.

I have buried people I loved.
I have watched addiction destroy people.
I have watched shame silence families.
I have watched secrets slowly kill generations.

And I refuse to stay silent anymore.

This chapter is not only for wives.

It is for mothers.
It is for husbands.
It is for fathers.
It is for children.
It is for every single family who has loved an alcoholic or addict and felt helpless watching the disease progress.

Recovery is not just about putting down alcohol.

It is about truth.
Healing.
Education.
Awareness.
Boundaries.
Accountability.
Family systems.
Breaking cycles.
And finally bringing darkness into the light.

Because secrets keep us sick.

But truth…
truth gives us a chance to heal. ✨

Our son is now sober almost 11 months today ... praise God he has a chance. 

#TheHealingCheff #RecoveryIsPossible #BreakTheCycle #AddictionAwareness #HealingGenerations