✨ God Was Never Trying to Change Them. He Was Changing Me ✨

God tested me throughout my sobriety journey.

My prayers were always, “God, please change them.”

It never occurred to me to ask God to change me. 😬

In my mind, I was right and they were wrong.

Here’s what I learned.

If God is using people to teach me lessons so I can grow, and I refuse to learn, He will keep testing me. And many of those tests are not fun.

Growth, stretching, and spiritual maturity are challenging. Sometimes painful. Especially the lessons I often fail. Like when people hurt me. My instinct is to see myself as innocent. They hurt me. I did nothing wrong.

But here’s the truth.

I always play a part. No matter what it looks like.

God isn’t concerned about them.

He’s concerned about me.

He cares about every part of my life. How I respond. How I speak. How I act. Whether I gossip or pray. He cares about my finances, my bills, what I eat and drink, who I allow into my life, and how I live socially. Spiritual growth isn’t just what I believe, it’s how I live.

So it matters that I learn to enjoy the journey and grow in maturity. That’s why we’re here.

It’s one thing to be a miserable sinner.

But being a miserable saint is a choice.

Maybe lies affected my self-esteem.

Maybe pride shows up.

Maybe fear.

Maybe I need stronger boundaries.

Maybe I need to stop people pleasing.

And maybe I played a part in ways I didn’t want to see.

Maybe I avoided hard conversations and hoped things would change on their own.

Maybe I stayed silent when I should have spoken up.

Maybe I overgave and then quietly carried resentment.

Maybe I expected people to read my mind instead of clearly expressing my needs.

Maybe I tolerated behavior that didn’t align with my values.

Maybe I confused kindness with self-abandonment.

Maybe I wanted approval more than peace.

Maybe I reacted from old wounds instead of responding from the present moment.

Maybe I took things personally that were never about me.

Maybe I stayed longer than God was asking me to stay.

Maybe I tried to control outcomes instead of trusting Him.

Maybe I chose comfort over truth.

Maybe I didn’t pause long enough to ask God how He wanted me to respond.

Maybe I needed to forgive sooner, not for them, but for my own freedom.

Maybe I kept reopening doors God had already closed.

So yes, I always have a part.

Not to shame myself.

But to grow. 🌱

To mature.

To heal.

Some lessons I learn quickly. Others I’m very slow. Until I see patterns. Until I become aware. Then, and only then, can I choose differently.

Being the bigger person isn’t some glorious Sunday morning moment.

It’s work. 💪

I pray the sick man’s prayer often.

I pray the resentment prayer often.

God sees it all.

And with this pruning and maturity come spiritual rewards. Keeping my mouth shut. Not gossiping. Choosing peace. Even when lies and gossip are floating around.

The fruit I receive is priceless.

No regrets.

No remorse.

No guilt.

Peace of mind.

Emotional sobriety.

Physical sobriety.

Spiritual sobriety. ✨

It’s not easy.

Having one foot in being “good” and one foot with the enemy is not a happy place. Surrender is easier.

I had to feel a lot of inner pain to change me. And today, I’m grateful. 🥹

I genuinely love myself. I know who I am. I keep my side of the street clean. I release the NEED to be understood by everyone.

And because of that, tonight I get to celebrate. 🎉

Not numb.

Not distracted.

Not checked out.

I get to be fully present. To laugh. To connect. To receive love. To enjoy my birthday month with gratitude and joy because my nervous system is regulated and my spirit is free. This is the gift of sobriety I never knew I was working toward.

Does that mean my life is easy? No.

This life was built slowly, with intention, and with work. But I can clearly look back and see the changes that started years ago.

I am full of the life of God.

I am spiritually healthy.

And it feels good. 💛

Am I perfect? Of course not.

Does that make me better than anyone else? No.

I’m simply aware.

Aware of my intentions.

Aware of my motives.

Right-sized.

And it brings me so much joy to see growth in others. It’s miraculous. That’s why I coach. There is nothing better than watching the light turn on in someone’s eyes. 💡

My purpose is to give this life away.

Today, my sobriety has nothing to do with alcohol.

It has everything to do with how I cope.

In my mind.

In my heart.

In my body.

In my soul.

The presence of God lives in me.

The enemy doesn’t like it.

But he doesn’t win.

God does.

And so do I. 🥳

Sobriety is possible.

It didn’t just help me put down a drink.

It gave me a whole new life.

And that is all God. 🙏

#SheChoseHerself2012
#BirthdayInRecovery
#EmotionalSobriety
#SpiritualGrowth
#GratefulAndFree